empatheias | in this closed off world

Entry tags:

riku,
riku replica

in this closed off world

Who: Riku and Arden
Where: KH Clubhouse
When: First couple days of the month
Format: [ like this ]
Closed
Summary: Riku comes back around the KH Clubhouse only to find a certain someone isn't how he left them.

[ He said he wouldn't disappear again and, already, he seems to have broken that so-called promise.

To be fair, he hadn't exactly expected to be told what he had been and for emotions to so quickly push their way to the surface that he felt it best to remove himself from the moment. Thus, he's been hanging around Cloud's place for the past little while, simply needing to clear his head, let alone his emotions, and just allow himself some time to adjust since there seems to be so much he still needs to.

Being away from Sora, however, is a difficult thing even for him to do in his current mood and it's why he's finally decided to come around the place that he's to call "home" while being within this world. Well, it's what Sora considers for him, Riku doesn't exactly feel like it is, especially with those he lives with there. But, he's kept to himself while he's been there and so he figures his absence within the house won't really be noticed.

Unless your name is Sora, that is.

It's a little later in the day when Riku finally steps inside the house, wearing something that he's clearly borrowed from Cloud while still donning the blindfold as always. It's Sora that he needs to see, needs to apologize to (again), and so he makes his way throughout the house, wondering if he's even around. He better be since he has this stuffed plush to give to him as a means of saying he's sorry and Sora's always a sucker for things like this. ]

Sora?

[ But when he does find the other, it leaves Riku stunned, standing there with eyes wide ~~not like you'd be able to see~~ as he drops the plush to the floor. Sora is... crystallized... sleeping? and it has him feel a painful sort of deja-vu all over again that he doesn't even notice how the colour visibly bleeds away from around him, leaving everything in a wash of gray. ]

Sora!

[ If the colour draining from around him isn't enough, maybe the sudden trembling of the house might be. ]

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I don't know anything about you. Not really. We agree on that. Whatever I think I know is so warped I can't begin to trust it. I had to learn that when it came to Sora.

[ But he does glare at Riku a bit for that one comment. ]

But "I'm nobody to you."? How dare you. Of anyone, whether you were here or not, you're the one person I'll never be able to escape from. No matter how many days I go feeling like "Arden", eventually I look in the mirror and see you instead.

[ The tension in his shoulders goes away and it's his turn to go back to frustrated but on the soft side. He's just so exhausted now. He really does need that meditation, soon, or he'll be the one sending out cold fronts next. ]

I thought that was because you were around, but it didn't stop when you disappeared either. This is the only thing left I can try. My last chance for peace of mind. You don't have to be willing to help me, but don't you dare say that how I see you isn't important to me.

I'm not here to validate your existence for you.

[ The words come off a little colder than intended. ]

I didn't ask to be brought here anymore than you did and maybe it's better for you to be here because you get to make a name for yourself. You get to live a life that you've never had before. You don't have memories before coming here? Sometimes I wish I didn't. I have to live with what I've done. That's not on you. That's on me.

[ He tries his best to keep his voice steady, to prevent the temperature from dropping anymore than it already has. ]

You're right. You deserve to be here just as much as anyone else does. You deserve to look in the mirror and not have to see me instead of you. I can't fix that. We share the same face and before I came here, it was just you with it.

[ Closing his eyes behind his blindfold, a puff of smoke leaves his lips, frost having touched his fingers and lips. ]

I'm the one that shouldn't be here. Not you. Regardless of what Sora says.

[ And so, he figures this is probably a good time to take his leave, moving to do just that. ]

[ Damnit, not like this. That's not what he meant! A small wind rushes at their feet as Arden clenches his fists at his side. ]

Sometimes you wish you didn't? Yeah right. You can't seriously tell me that you'd give up your memories so far and become someone else, let me take back 'Riku', and be satisfied with that. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, regrets or no.

[ It's basically his worst fear now.]

And like hell do I want you to fix me, or validate me, or any of that! All I was asking for was to eat dinner with the rest of us sometimes! Or come hang out on Friday nights! Or go do a Task together for a bit of extra money!

[ He doesn't really lower his voice, but he evens his tone out. He thought over-explaining himself would help. Apparently not. Fine, but he tried it. He has no idea how to act around Riku so, as he said, he has to keep trying different things. ]

We don't have to get into long-winded stuff like this every time. It could be a "Hey." and that's it, rather than avoiding me entirely.

[ And whatever happened after that would naturally happen, or not. Regardless, he makes sure to stop talking then, since it didn't seem to be helping. ]

You don't know anything about me or what I want!

[ He lashes out, not meaning to, but it happens and the floor trembles for a split second. ]

Maybe everyone would be better without me being Riku! Sora doesn't seem to need me here! He's been just fine without me like he always is!

[ For the moment, he's glad that Sora is asleep and can't hear this because he knows, oh he knows the pain that would fill those blue eyes if he were to say those words to him, let alone yell them at him like he is to Arden. ]

It's my fault for everything that has happened and now I find him here, happy with a life and his dozens of friends and he's surviving just fine without me like it should be.

[ He's trying, he's trying very hard to not let his emotions show but the floor does give a bit of a tremble again. ]

I'm not Sora! I'm not your friend!

[ He squeezes his eyes shut as he listens, trying to put together an answer without snapping in anger, even as the floor trembles. Then he opens his eyes again and looks over at Sora, wishing he was the one hearing Riku's feelings - as someone who might be able to help - and yet simultaneously glad Sora's not able to hear the argument at the same time.

Mostly he just looks sad, and conflicted, as he tries to parse Riku's words.

What do I say, Sora? That he's wrong, you haven't been "fine"? That you missed him ever since he went away? That I wasn't even sure you wanted to see me after that, because I'd just remind you of him? Would that make him feel better? ... Or worse? Because now that's his fault too? Can I even say anything at all without getting accused of speaking for you? ... Probably not.

I never said he was you, Sora. I never said we had to be friends. He keeps saying we don't know anything about one another and then putting words into my mouth anyway! But I guess those are things he'd only want to do with a friend, so maybe it's just as well.

He clutches the crystal in his pocket.

Can I really say... anything at all? For his sake, or mine? Zenyatta? Snow? Minnie? Please, someone...

But he can't think of anything. So he just stands there for a bit, feeling the effects of Riku's emotions through the floor.

Finally he puts a hand on Sora's crystal shoulder, while trying to will the floor to stop shaking, trying to think of calm breezes in the backyard and quiet naptimes with Castor and the satisfaction of making a new dessert, things that cleared out bad thoughts for him enough to call upon some faint dunamis. If he can't talk to Riku, then at least he can make sure Sora doesn't fall over. Maybe he's going to have to get laid down into bed...]

[ The guilt, the shame, the regret, the pain that Riku carries with him... he has no right to lash out at Arden with any of it, he knows that. Deep down, he does. Yet he does. Because to be brought to this world moments before he gave into the darkness he had been struggling to contain within his heart, to know that he hadn't been strong enough to subdue Roxas, that that had been the only way he could win for Sora's sake... how weak and pathetic he is and so what right does he have to be here with Sora when he should be walking in darkness?

It's funny, because he thought he could walk towards the dawn, he made that choice, refusing to accept light or dark and yet... darkness always follows him. It's always right there. Even here within this world. Maybe he's wrong about the dawn. Maybe the darkness truly is where he belongs.

When Arden moves to touch the crystallized Sora, Riku feels something well up within him and he goes to smack Arden's hand away from Sora but comes to pause just before he can. Something... something inside him doesn't feel right.

Fingers clutch at his chest, twisting within the fabric of the shirt borrowed from Cloud and he finds it difficult to breathe for a second. Emotions... this must be a result of everything that's trying so desperately to push its way to the surface. His lashing out at Arden... it doesn't seem to have done any good in the sense of keeping things under control and, rather, is allowing things to come to the surface... things that Riku tries so hard to keep pushed down.

Without a word to Arden, he turns to leave, trying not to stumble on the way out as he does so because he just... he needs to get out of here... go somewhere, anywhere, just not be right here right now. ]

[ Here they go again. Unable to talk and Riku storming off despite Arden's efforts. He feels awful.

In a last-ditch effort he starts trying to remember other things he'd done before, like helping Sora hear the sound of an ocean shore and reaching out to Sora while in Antiform. Of course, no sooner does he start to consider doing either of those things than a sharp reminder stings at his shoulderblade:

'I'm not Sora.'

Right. Then think. What else...

'I guess just that he's going to be really hard on himself no matter what anyone says to him. Even what I say to him. I don't know if he'll believe anything anyone says until he wants to.'

No kidding. Arden watched with baited breath as Riku raised his hand against Arden but stopped short. He turns to lean Sora down on his bed quickly and then steps through a Dark Corridor at the base of the stairs, hopefully intercepting Riku. ]

[ Fine, they aren't friends. So no more soft talk then. ]

Stop running away from me, coward.

[ He lets out his own lightning of frustration into the air around him and plants his feet there in the hallway. ]

You looked like you were ready to take me out just then. Tell me why.

[ Does he have the authority to command Riku to do anything? Of course not, but he's sure as hell gonna act like it with Riku refusing to make this easy. ]

Edited 2018-03-02 20:52 (UTC)

[ Gripping tight at the railing as he goes down the stairs, Riku comes to stop halfway down them when he notices Arden appear through a Dark Corridor. Really, he doesn't want to deal with this right now and fingers clutch tighter at his chest as he glares through his blindfold to Arden. ]

Get out of my way.

[ The words are said lowly- dangerously even and he coughs right after he says them, fingers twisting with the material of his shirt tighter.

He's only going to say this once. ]

[ He takes a deep breath and steels his resolve. ]

No.

[ He's hurt and frustrated and Riku's told him all kinds of things that he already heard about from the time under that blindfold. If Sora couldn't get through to him, then kind words from a friend won't do it.

He doesn't pull his keyblade or transform into his Dark Mode outfit or start summoning Zexion's powers - he'll wait for Riku to initiate that kind of thing. Whatever happens, he's just trying to get Riku to think about everything he told Arden just now - how Sora's happy, but Riku's mad about it; how he raised a hand to strike Arden away from Sora; how he can't seem to understand that people can interact pleasantly without being best friends. He sounds like a hypocrite right now and Arden hates it with the passion of someone who's made similar mistakes, not that he can tell Riku that-- or maybe he can? He choked the words down before... to what end? ]

You keep going on about how I don't know you. From where I'm standing, seems like you're making all of my same mistakes. I'm daring you to prove me wrong.

[ Riku's gaze pierces through his blindfold towards Arden. He's trying... he's trying so hard not to let anything slip through his fingers, to not let these emotions claim him and cause physical reactions to happen. The black thorny vines or the shadowy hands that tore themselves from the ground the last couple of times that he couldn't seem to reel these emotions back in... how they somehow seemed to manifest from the darkness within him... he doesn't want that to happen now, to happen here, which is why he's trying to leave.

But here's Arden, blocking his way and it's only further agitating Riku as he stands there gripping at the railing. For a moment, it looks as though he's about to summon Soul Eater within his hand with the way he draws it away from the railing, but... he doesn't and instead, he clutches at his chest again, this time tighter than before.

It hurts inside. It hurts so much and it feels as though something wants to come out, something that he's been swallowing down over and over again whenever he feels it starting to rise up within him but this time, this time it feels as though he can't swallow it back down and he wants to blame Arden for this.

Coming to drop down to a knee on one of the steps, Riku coughs. Over and over again until finally, he coughs up the shards of ice that had been lodged within his chest, pushing their way through him like glass. He shivers, a puff of cold air spilling from his lips as more ice is coughed up on the stairs, a manifestation of his own numbness, the very cold that he's been swallowing down within him. ]

[ Arden’s just staring ready to receive the Soul Eater and dodge out of the way as quick as he can... but he definitely wasn’t expecting that. Damnit Riku. That counts as taking care of himself? Bull.

With a flick of his wrist, there’s purple-black mist swarming around him and it looks like he’s in his Dark Mode outfit. In reality he’s trying to use that to mask the illusion magic he’s drawing out. His real plan is to lean down quick as he can while Riku might be distracted, and tap his shoulder with a Cure for the ice shard mixed with warm thoughts of Castor, Pollux, and Sora to push away more shards - at least for a bit. He’d felt similar in his back; he knows how sharp those get. So he’s acting as fast as he can. ]

[ The last thing he needs right now is for Arden to take advantage of this moment and it's a concern of his when he sees the familiar purple-black mist appear.

However, he's unable to focus on it for long as more shards of ice are coughed up onto the stairs while fingers clutch at the front of his chest, silent thoughts of wanting this to just stop being repeated over and over again in his head.

It's the gentle tap to his shoulder that finally pulls him from those thoughts and as the Cure spell softly begins to wash over him here on the stairs, he glances up through his blindfold and stares to Arden with a look of surprise and confusion... and perhaps a touch of annoyance.

It's warm and it's soft and it's only after coughing up a few more shards of ice that he feels he can finally breathe again and, slowly, he allows himself to. Steady breaths, nice and slow, fingers still clutching at his chest. ]

[ Now that he hasn’t been pushed away, he does the combo one more time: Cure with some faint warm dunamis. He stands back up and let’s the illusion drop though. ]

Can you breathe?

[ First priority. His tone is as warm as his touch was, after trying so hard to focus on the ones nearby that he cares about enough to conjure emotion magic about. Maybe that will upset Riku but right now he’s just trying to make sure he doesn’t choke to death. ]

[ Yeah, breathing would be nice right about now and is something that he's slowly falling back into now that he's not coughing up painful shards of ice.

Wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand, Riku comes to lean against the wall there, more or less curling up into himself as he does. As much as he would just love to get up and leave, for the moment, he's unable to and needs to just... catch his breath.

Lucky for Arden, maybe. ]

Yeah.

Good.

[ He falls onto one knee, slipping it under himself and resting his right hand on his other propped-up knee in case he needs to cast again. ]

Ice comes out of my shoulder like that sometimes.

[ So 1) he knows how much it hurts, 2) knew what to do to stop the immediate problem of the bleeding, and 3) can only imagine how much worse that felt in the throat. ]

Edited 2018-03-03 00:08 (UTC)

[ This is one of the first things Arden has said that has actually caught Riku's attention (that doesn't pertain to Sora) and it has him looking to Arden with his head tilted, even if he's still leaning against the wall. ]

Really?

[ It's not said with sarcasm or even with little to no interest. It's said with a genuine albeit tentative sort of curiosity as he remains there on the stairs, still curled up within himself, still trying to regulate his breathing since... well... coughing up shards of ice? Just a little on the painful side of things. ]

[ Arden nods slowly, trying to make it clear he’s not going anywhere. Just in case another bout hits him. ]

At least four times now.

[ He remembers three before that last time when Riku appeared. And it’s definitely one of the reasons he wanted to be around for Riku to work out whatever was bothering him, at least the worst of it. But he keeps quiet. If this works, he’s not going to try disturbing the line of conversation Riku is prepared to have. ]

Edited 2018-03-03 02:19 (UTC)

[ Breaths are still slow but even as Riku sits there on the stairs. The chill that bubbled up from inside him has dulled and he no longer finds himself feeling icy tingles running along his spine. But still, he sits there, just focusing on his breath in this moment and, behind his blindfold, eyes slowly turn their gaze back onto Arden... who doesn't seem to be leaving him anytime soon. ]

Sounds fun.

[ It's said dryly, strands of silver falling in front of his face as he takes another deep breath. ]

You don't want me here, do you? [ He asks then, softly, no longer having his gaze on him. ] Living in this house. Only Sora really does.

[ He stays still, but his tone is genuine when he answers - not accusatory, just thoughtful. ]

I can't answer that... because I haven't had a chance to find out.

[ He shifts a little so his leg doesn't fall asleep, but he resists the urge to gesture broadly with his hands or raise his voice. He doesn't even say anything more than that, trying to let the comment stand on its own. He'd said as much before, but wrapped in sentence after sentence between angry barbs at one another. This can be simple, he hopes. Maybe.

Riku doesn't want Arden assuming he knows him, either from his warped memories or from the last time he saw Riku in Verens. If that's true, then his comment may ring better - because they've had exactly 2 interactions so far and Arden's purposefully discounting both of them. They weren't about being housemates, they were about their past and now Sora's crystallization. Outliers. Nothing to go on about what it could be like. ]

[ Perhaps it's better this way, especially with Riku feeling relatively drained from having experienced a physical manifestation of his emotions... trying to literally force themselves out of him. It leaves him sitting there on the stairs with Arden, head pressed against the wall, gaze lingering on the other and sometimes even past him.

The words that Arden offers are short and simple and yet hold a truth to them that Riku is willing to swallow in the moment. No, he hasn't had a chance to find out, to get to know him, to see what Sora sees... although, to be fair, no one might see that side of him. To him, he's not even so sure that side of him still exists, having been so wrapped up within darkness.

Clearing his throat, he remains silent for a little while longer, simply sitting there, feeling Arden's presence close to him and while the first couple of times it had made him want to avoid him, for the moment, he's fine with it. Fine with him. ]

It seems crowded here. Like there's no privacy.

[ It's a start. That's all he wanted. He's fine like this, for a little while longer. Eventually Castor may find him and beg for some food, but other than that, fresh off the realization about Sora... Riku's pretty much his top priority now.

So Arden's expression shifts to a small smile. Even if Riku ultimately wants to leave the house, he's talking about it. That's all he and Sora can ask of Riku after all. ]

Maybe a little crowded. It's easier on me cooking food, but as for privacy... I guess I can see that, even if it doesn't feel that way for me. Roxas and Sora and I are barely around at the same time, except planned events like Friday Nights. That's why it's nice to go to the roof or out back or somewhere else in Verens sometimes.

[ The roof is a place he can see being sought after by a couple people in this household and in all honesty, he can't blame them. The mention of Roxas, however, has Riku's thoughts drift to the blond and how he's more or less staying out of his way around here; they both have their own reasons for not exactly getting along after all. ]

He's happy here.

[ Something Riku had mentioned before, even if it had been through a moment of lashing out but it's still something that he finds to be true. ]

Even if he is being a slacker all over again for the moment. [ And he gives a slight huff under his breath as he refers to Sora "snoozing" again. ] But he's happy. He doesn't have to worry about everything back home. He can just... be happy here.

[ And that's what's important, isn't it? What he's wanted for his best friend to have? What he's been trying so hard to give back to him as a means to make up for everything wrong that he's done. So with him being here, he feels... out of place, like he shouldn't be here, shouldn't impede on Sora's happiness that he's made for himself here.

Because he's not so sure he can offer him much in return. Just... look at him. ]

[ He knows he has to tread carefully here, but if Riku's talking about it... then maybe... He purses his lips, thinking, and puts his knee down so that he's in a cross-legged position and Riku can clearly see his body language in all its complexity, if he can see through that blindfold. It sure seems like he can. Arden puts both of his hands on his ankles and forces his shoulders down, losing the tension there. ]

You may not believe me if I tell you this, but... yeah, he's happy. He's happier lately... because you're here.

[ His brows furrow, as if willing Riku to understand. ]

Get it? You have no basis for comparison. You're just going off how he's acted since you got here.

[ Does he believe Arden? It's hard to say. With everything that's happened in the span of almost a year, with how much he's given up, how much he's simply stopped caring (look at his hair), it's difficult to see past his own self-loathing, his guilt, regret, the shame that he carries with him everywhere he goes. He's trying to make up for it... he is, he's telling himself that he is with everything that he's doing but it's just... so hard, so difficult to see any sort of light for himself... and the light can't help him right now, that's why he blinds himself to it.

So of course believing any of this is a hard pill to swallow and Arden is certainly not the last who will try to make him believe.

A certain conversation with Sora prior to his being crystallized rings through his thoughts and it has him wanting to disbelieve Arden's words; insecurities are so dangerous for the mind at times. ]

Maybe it's all I need.

[ Maybe it's all he wants to know.

A shake of his head, he gives a heavy sigh, clearing his throat again. it's definitely a lot easier to breathe now and it doesn't feel like anything is injured on the inside. ]

Are you going to claim I owe you now?

[ For having helped him during this... episode. ]

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