empatheias | open-ish

Entry tags:

open-ish

Who: Riku and others
Where: Around Verens
When: Middle of the month
Format: [ like this ]
open-ish
Summary: Just a gloomy gus needing some fresh air. Closed prompts will be top-leveled, open prompts free to anyone.

( TREE OF MEMORIES )
[ This place isn't anywhere that Riku has been before, though he's heard of it, somewhat. It's basically a tree that holds petals of memories from all those who come near it... or who inhabit the island... one of the two? Maybe both? Regardless, he's here, feeling the need to just get out and away from everything and everyone and he's made sure to keep himself relatively bundled up lest he end up sick again.

When a breeze gently drifts by, crisp and cool and allowing strands of silver to blow around his face, Riku catches sight of a drifting petal that falls from the tree and, perhaps without even realizing so, he holds his hand out and allows the petal to land in his palm.

The memory that it contains is one that seems almost ironic considering current circumstances of people within his life. It's distorted, perhaps a bit scratchy in a way, but it shows a sleeping Sora encased in what looks like a bubble. Standing outside that bubble and staring to the sleeping Sora is Riku, dressed in black and donning the blindfold much as he still does within this world. Off to the side, Naminé is there, sitting at a long table and seemingly sketching in a book, though she doesn't seem to address Riku within the memory. Gently, he reaches out with a gloved hand and presses it to the front of the bubble and the strongest emotion that can be felt even with watching this memory unfold... is grief.

It figures this memory would show itself now of all times and, to be honest, he almost finds it funny, as if a silent punishment personally dished out for him. Well-played, Tree of Memories.

Riku, of course, tries to brush off the memory and any feelings that might be attached to it. Though one can't exactly deny that the air around him seems a lot more chillier than anywhere else near the tree. ]

( IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING )
[ What had started out as something that should have taken maybe ten minutes at most has turned into a good thirty minutes standing outside the tea shop in the pouring rain.

The weather hasn't been the greatest as of late and yet Riku thought he could pick up this box of tea for Cloud and be out of here before it started to come down like it is now. How wrong he apparently was. Thankfully, he's standing under the awning of the shop, arms crossed, blindfold on, finger tapping against the box of tea he holds. The rain doesn't seem to be letting up anytime soon and the shop has closed, leaving Riku out here in the damp without an umbrella. He sighs, head lolling to the side as he shifts his weight to one leg, contemplating the thought of just sucking it up and walking back to Cloud's in this weather. ]

It's never going to stop...

[ Maybe you're stuck under here with him. Maybe you're passing by. Maybe you have an umbrella to lend to him. Or maybe you're out enjoying the rain. Whatever the case, Riku's not looking too happy... and the frost that's come to coat the tips of his shoes is a little bit of a hint to that. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You just made a huge deal out of want and need, so I'm going to keep telling you this as many times as you need to hear it.

[ He kneels down to start with Riku's boots, so that he's not looking at Riku's face - but likewise Riku will find it hard to ignore him as he uses a simple bit of the Fire spell and not dunamis to melt the ice there. ]

For my own sake and not yours, I need to figure out a way to be around you - without either of us suffering for it. So you can just deal with that.

[ After that he stands back up, leaving space between them and trying to decide how much more Riku is going to force that ice upon himself before Arden forces a hand on him again. ]

I just never expected it to also involve Squall.

[ There, he knows who your target is, Riku. ]

Edited 2018-03-22 00:05 (UTC)

[ It's not exactly anything that he's proud to admit and the fact that he has more or less admitted it and to Arden of all people... it just confirms how real these feelings are... these feelings of upset and anger and how pathetic he is for still harboring... jealousy.

Glancing away, Riku stands there, breaths still steady and slow, trying to calm himself and not allow the ice to overwhelm him as it tends to do when he thinks of this. ]

I'd appreciate you not saying anything.

[ Pausing, for just a moment. ]

To anyone.

[ Well, no more coughing ice shards is an improvement. He doesn't lower his hand just yet. ]

I won't.

[ It wouldn't help anyone - not Riku, or Sora, or Squall, or himself - to bring something like this to light and make Riku cough more ice, thereby stalling any conversation that was happening anyway. ]

It's not like Squall makes it any easier to talk to him than you do.

[ That burning question of What does Sora even see in him? has still not been answered to his personal satisfaction, although now the obvious echo of his feelings in Riku makes him wonder if those feelings too - the ones he had for Sora - were ever as sincere as he'd believed. Maybe Sora could tell before Arden that that was the case. Maybe that's why friendship is more comfortable after all. ]

But just because I don't say anything doesn't mean Sora won't ask you about it sometime. If that time comes and you can't talk to him about it... well, if you can tolerate me more than you can tolerate Squall, maybe you'll find me one of these days instead of the other way around.

Would you stop saying his name?

[ And he doesn't mean Sora's.

Riku is... not one to wear his feelings on his sleeve, never mind trying to discuss them or what concerns and troubles he has burdening him to the point of keeping him up at night. He's always been the "cooler one", right? The toughest kid on Destiny Islands that was the opposite to crybaby sunshine Sora. So, for him to actually admit that he feels weak, that he feels pathetic, that he feels not good enough... it's not easy, even now, for him to do and to try is still just as difficult as it's always been.

But at least he's said something and that counts for something... doesn't it?

Another slow breath, Riku looks away, allowing strands of silver to fall in front of his face, masking him... hiding him. ]

Sora's happy and that's all that matters.

[ Even as he says those words, it still seems... difficult for him to swallow. ]

He deserves that.

[ Arden shakes his head dismissively. There's too many He's in this conversation - and living at the house in general - to stop using first names to make things clear. But whatever. He cares more about the second part. ]

"That's all that matters"? After all that ice?

[ Suddenly 'ice' has become a codeword of sorts with so many meanings, not least of which being a lie. ]

Not buying it. Besides, you should know better than I do that if his friends aren't happy, then Sora's not happy either.

[ Hence why he had to start the process of dealing with Squall too - he just had several weeks on Riku in that regard. ]

I'm not Sora. I'm not friends with everyone I meet nor do I want to be.

[ Still Riku doesn't look to Arden, concentrating instead on swallowing down the ice that he can still feel coiling around his heart. ]

I'm not stupid. I know the tension between Roxas and I and how Sora wants us to be friends... wants you and I to be friends. That's what he wants for everyone he just... doesn't get it. Doesn't get that not everyone has a heart like his. But that's why he's better than so many.

[ Better than him. ]

He doesn't know what it's like to feel like you're not good enough to someone important. To feel replaced or abandoned. Everyone's drawn to him, even the ones who shouldn't be.

[ Not that he's meaning to, but more ice seems to gently seep out from underneath his boots. ]

It doesn't matter what I feel. I'm not a Hero of Light, I'm not even a hero to begin with. That's all Sora, so he deserves everything.

[ A beat. ]

But I can't pretend that I'm fine. Not right now.

[ Arden stares right into that blindfold. ]

Doesn't know what it's like to feel abandoned?

[ Should he say this... argh... maybe it won't help. Maybe it will. ]

Maybe you should ask him about that to his face.

[ Because as far as he remembers - and those are real memories for him - Sora was doing nothing but chase Riku down. He wasn't powerful enough to find the one person in the whole castle he was looking for. Talk about not good enough. He got the impression Sora would understand a lot more than Riku gave him credit for. ]

Maybe then you won't have to pretend.

[ He's not entirely sure what Arden had hoped to achieve with those words but, they don't seem to help the situation any and, instead, have Riku grow even more frustrated. ]

You don't get it, do you?

[ A show of irritation. ]

I don't want Sora to know. What good is that going to do? How is that going to fix anything? He has someone better and I should be happy but I'm not. I don't want to think of it, I don't want to be reminded of it, I don't want to have to keep wondering how he would be if I just didn't show up here like this and throw a wrench into everything that he's created for himself here.

[ The ice around his feet crackles as it quickly spreads, threatening to even touch Arden as he stands there and Riku breathes heavy again as he can feel the shards of ice pushing their way back up. ]

I don't even know why I'm telling you this because everyone is always on Sora's side. Even here.

[ Forcefully, he breaks his feet free from the ice. ]

And they should be even if I hate it sometimes.

[ Because it's lonely to feel and makes him think that he's better off as a shadow. ]

You keep talking out both sides of your mouth!

[ He spins around one side and grabs Riku's shoulder and chest at once, trying to force the dunamis to work. It has to work - to stop the ice that only makes it harder for Riku to think clearly. Even he's starting to wonder why he's bothering, though. He's using as much of his strength as he can to hold Riku in place while he tries to stop the ice from spreading though. ]

[ He shakes Riku angrily, unintentionally combining both sides of that same emotion - his love for Sora and his anger at Riku - to make the dunamis come even faster and more powerful than it did before. ]

You want him as a best friend but you won't even talk to him about what's bothering you? You big hypocrite! Do you even hear yourself?

[ He glares at Riku as the ice Riku generates continuously melts under Arden's heat. ]

How can you say I'm on his side when I'm the one coming after you? Trying to make sure you don't kill yourself with ice shards stuck in your throat, saying over and over again how you deserve it!

[ He grips Riku by the shirt and stares him right in the eyes behind his blindfold. ]

You want to know why I'm here? Because you keep proving over and over again how alike we are. And the worst mistake I almost made, Sora was there to stop me for it. He's not here to stop you. So yes I am going to keep coming after you until I am SURE that you aren't hating yourself so much you try to shatter your amulet just to get out of dealing with how much you hate your life right now.

[ Finally he pushes - shoves really - Riku away and finishes his tirade. ]

You've always had everything I ever wanted. Start acting like it again.

[ When Riku is shoved back, he allows himself to stumble some, getting his footing and glaring through that blindfold to Arden who is still relatively close to him. There's things he wants to say, things he even wants to shout back at him, but... he doesn't. For a reason.

There's a voice that whispers in the back of his head- no, deep within his heart it does. You defeated him once, you can do it again.

Darkness. His darkness, buried deep within his heart still. The one area he's been having difficulty keeping under control despite his best efforts. It's... taunting him, trying to coerce him into giving in, not knowing what that might very well mean within this world with doing so. Would he change entirely? Would he lose himself completely and never be able to come back for it all for the chance to simply strike Arden down and show him how much stronger he still is than him?

Would it be irreversible and a means of damning himself? Well, that wouldn't be the first time he's damned himself, would it?

But that voice, smooth like silk and soft as feathers as it caresses along the forefront of his mind, echoing from the depths of his heart, continues to whisper to him.

You defeated him once, you can do it again. You defeated him once, you can do it again. You defeated him once, you can do it again.

He squeezes his eyes shut behind his blindfold and seems to almost stumble forward a little. Recalling his nightmares as of late with removing his blindfold only to have eyes dripping black haunt him in the moment and he's almost afraid to open them behind the blindfold, lest those nightmares be a reality in this moment.

The ice recedes, perhaps much to Arden's delight, but the darkness swells and it wouldn't at all be difficult for Arden to not smell how much stronger it's becoming. ]

[ He keeps on glaring. ]

Can neither of you manage your own darkness? Geez...

[ He takes a deep breath and walks forward, towards Riku, radiating that combination still. There was a good chance that this wasn't going to work, but this was partly his fault for riling Riku up and partly Riku's for being unable to settle himself down in response. He tried to recall how it felt those other two times - how he'd reached out to Sora through Sora's darkness overtaking him by simply being unafraid of the power it showed. It was a foul smell, of course it was, but it was an all-too-familiar one as well. A part of it still lived with him.

While he physically gets closer, emotionally he does too, trying to recreate that dual effect of dunamis and seeking out the pinpricks of light inside of Riku, like a candle being swallowed by the power going out in a house. ]

I told you to start acting like it, Riku!

[ There's envy and anger powering his efforts, but at the forefront of his mind he wants better for Riku. He genuinely doesn't want the Darkness to do this to him. If he has to open a darn Corridor to get inside a Darkness this deep, he'll do it. For Sora if nothing else. ]

[ No, he can't. His control over it has gotten better, that much is true. But to be in complete control of it... to have mastered it in a sense... no, he hasn't and he knows this, even when he went to face off against Roxas prior to coming to this world.

His darkness, of course, tries to convince him that there is no light within him to pluck at and bring to the forefront of his mind. The dawn? The dawn was what he wanted to walk, wasn't it? To choose neither light nor dark and yet... darkness is always there, isn't it? But he had been tricked before, thinking that the light could destroy him, that the darkness was something to be afraid of and yet... there is no light here, is there? It's why he blinds himself from it. He can't use it... he doesn't... deserve it.

But it's that thought that brings a warm but gentle breeze to mind and it has his eyes open somewhat as he remembers... he remembers that warmth.

A shake of his head, Riku thrusts a hand out to try and shove Arden away as he turns to have his back face him, clutching his head with eyes peeking through his fingers that cover his blindfold before, slowly, the darkness begins to recede much as the ice had.

Taking a moment, he swallows thickly, breathing heavy, hair spilling over his neck and just... trying to remain calm... trying to let everything settle. ]

[ Unlike with Sora, Arden has no real clear indication that it was through his own efforts or Riku's that made the Darkness recede. He can only be glad that it did. ]

Sit down.

[ He puts both hands on Riku's shoulders, even as he's turned away, trying to push gently enough Riku will sit on his own. He remembers how he sat on the steps of the house last time, and that seemed like a good idea to repeat. If he obliges, Arden won't keep up the physical contact either.

Although... yeah, part of him does feel guilty that worse and worse counter-reactions keep happening to Riku. He can't fully ignore that fact. He's grateful the ice knife appears to only prick under his skin this time, knowing he's trying to help Riku, who appears to have been getting worse and worse at holding everything in, so maybe this was inevitable and he was the lucky one to experience it.

So much in common... way more than he ever wanted to believe. It makes him sick to his stomach and he can't think about all of the things he told Roxas, ignoring all of his own advice in this moment. He wonders if one day all of his energy is going to be sucked up because Riku can't handle things, just like Riku said that Roxas had to return to Sora in order to make him whole. Maybe that was why he'd felt awkward the last time, trying to talk to Arden and all. ]

[ At the suggestion to sit, Riku doesn't even bother to object and silently complies with a bit of stumbling along the way down. He comes to rest his back against the brick wall of the nearest building, breaths slow and steady with his head lolled to the side. It's... exhausting, the darkness. To have it seep out is draining enough but to reel it back in and contain it, control it, tame it... it's also exhausting, never mind having to experience it and all the emotions that come with it.

Swallowing thickly, he pulls his knees up close to his chest, an arm draped over them while the other lays beside him and his head falls to press his forehead against his forearm. He's drained... so very drained. Physically and emotionally. ]

[ After Riku sits, Arden sighs with relief. Then he turns around and sits behind Riku - back to back. He figures it's a way he can still give more dunamis effects to Riku if he needs it. Sure, he can't give Riku the equivalent of a night's rest, but he can try to keep fanning that small flame of Light until Riku's closer to his natural balance again - not 50/50 by a long shot, but what's been normal for him in the time that Arden's been around him this last time.

And he stays like that, with his back straighter so that their lower backs touch with Riku leaning over still. He quietly meditates, radiating a sound like wind-chimes that's actually the sound of Zenyatta's orbs floating around in the air. It's what he associates with peace of mind. So even if it doesn't help Riku, it focuses Arden dunamis, and he's hoping he can stay serving as that anchor until Riku's balance returns.

But no words... he doubts there are words that can describe how the two of them are feeling as their connection just gets more and more complicated the more similar they reveal themselves to be. ]

[ Much like Arden, Riku sits there in silence but also in exhaustion. He can still hear the words that the other offered him moments before his darkness threatened to take control of the situation and while they hold truth to them, he can't bring himself to really acknowledge them in the moment, fearing that it might stir more emotions deep within and, well, they'd be right back at square one all over again.

But to sit here with Arden... with his replica who he had once defeated, even called a fake... it's strange and not anything that he thought he would experience like this. The fact that Arden even stayed with him like this, offered him help (though he feels for Sora's sake and not so much his own) and tried to reason with him... it's strange and he's not all too sure what to make of it just yet. So, that's why there's silence between them.

At least, until Riku lifts his head a bit. ]

Arden.

[ He says the name softly. ]

Give me your hand.

[ The hand that remains beside him on the ground, palm facing up. ]

[ Riku can almost certainly feel Arden's head snap up just a little more than it was after Arden's sure he heard that correctly.

Had he even told Riku that out loud? They'd only spoken three times, including this one, and had he actually... had he said how frustrating it was that Riku didn't call him anything at all? Just 'you' and other pronouns.

Because that kind of acknowledgement, that was one of the things missing to him. The kind of thing Riku didn't want to talk about because it only provided him peace of mind and did nothing for Riku, or so the excuse had gone.

But yeah... that guy, The Real Thing, he'd used Arden's chosen name for the first time. ]

[ He looks the wrong way first, then to the side of Riku's body with his hand clearly facing up - a much clearer signal.

Once upon a time this would have scared him, like it was some trap. Once upon a time he would balked at quiet moments being useful tools to heal deeply personal wounds.

And yet here he is, reaching across the vast expanse that they carved out to separate themselves from one another, and places his own hand against Riku's, palm-to-palm. He doesn't close it though, unsure of Riku's intentions, just... trying to have faith that this can mean something good - for both of their sake's. ]

[ To be honest, he's not even so sure that Arden will comply with his request much as he had done with the sitting down part. But, when he does? Well, he has to admit that he's a little surprised.

To feel the other's palm against his own... it's familiar in a strange sort of way and yet it's different at the same time, regardless of what either of them might think or feel. Carefully, he comes to curl his hand around Arden's, fingers resting against the back of the other's hand. It's gentle and not at all firm... but at the same time, it's somehow... perhaps not desperate but... hopeful. ]

Why Arden?

[ He asks then, his voice still soft. ]

I mean, it's honestly better than anything Sora might have picked...

[ 'One day,' he thinks, 'One day moments like this won't just be a calm after a storm.'

Because it's the kind of question he absolutely wouldn't have expected Riku to ask - the kind of thing he didn't think Riku cared about. ]

... I asked him to pick one out for me, actually. He refused.

[ He smiles at the memory, perhaps a bit wider and more willing to be open because they aren't facing one another, almost as if to make up for that fact. He doesn't try to close his own hand around Riku's since he's the one recovering and there's the ground right under his hand, but Arden lets the contact remain - if it convinces Riku of something about Arden, then so be it. ]

So Arden is because... Ardent, the real meaning, and Garden. The shared letters of both words.

[ So minus the G of Garden and the T off the end of Ardent, the leftover was 'Arden' in both cases.

There was more, how he literally ran through a list of names in a book and pulled out a few different kinds of names - like all ones relating to nature due to his affection for Snow White and being unsatisfied with all of them, so the G-Arden-T version was the closest he could get. But ultimately it still came down to Garden + Ardent. ]

Edited 2018-03-22 03:58 (UTC)

[ As Arden explains, Riku listens with a gentle silence. This moment here between them... when everything had been so chaotic and emotional mere minutes ago to now be calm and still... perhaps it's a different sort of whiplash all on its own and yet, it doesn't feel forced or rushed or even wrong. It simply... is.

His hand still holds to Arden's, Riku having come to press his cheek against his arm draped across his knees again and, despite wearing the blindfold, he allows his eyes to fall shut once more, exhaustion clinging tight to him still; the fact that he's been having nightmares which have made it difficult for him to sleep haven't helped any. ]

It suits you.

[ A gentle sort of approval given from the very one who wears the same face as him, Riku sighs softly, coming to find his breaths not being as heavy anymore as they had been before in all that emotional chaos. ]

I don't know if I can make it back.

[ He mutters that softly, not bothering to life his head or even let go of Arden's hand. ]

[ He wouldn't have changed his name even if Riku had tried to say it didn't suit him, but to get that kind of reaction was still... something. It settled a bit of anxiety in Arden, but more than anything he hoped it moved Riku in a direction that made it easier for them to communicate - acknowledging him as a person with a real name Riku could use. ]

... Thanks.

[ Even to Sora or Snow White or Zenyatta or Minnie, he struggled with saying that. But he meant it. His voice was quiet saying that, so he chokes a little trying to switch topics, but he gets there. ]

I- Hm, shouldn't take you through a Corridor like this either... How far is your apartment?

[ Or wherever he's staying that's not the house. ]

[ No, going through a dark corridor might be a little... much for Riku at the moment and so he agrees with Arden's suggestion to not take that route. However, when asked how far is apartment is he... laughs a little. Well, it's more like a soft breath of amusement muffled against his arm but, it's along the same lines, right? ]

Don't know since I don't have one.

[ Lifting his head, he sighs, allowing it to gently knock back against Arden's. ]

I don't mind going back with you.

[ Back to where Arden lives... where he himself apparently has a room. ]

[ Arden's head turns and he starts to make a 'whaaa?' sort of expression while holding down the urge to say something along the lines of "I need to yell at you more often" and ends up with a wordless "wow" sort of thing going on as he shakes his head. ]

Ah... Okay then.

[ But could he make a joke about soup... No, no, no he's trying not to push it. He slightly raises the hand Riku's holding, though. ]

You need a hand, or you need a shoulder?

[ Maybe that was what Riku was going for, a hint that he'd need help walking back. ]

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