empatheias | open-ish

Entry tags:

open-ish

Who: Riku and others
Where: Around Verens
When: Middle of the month
Format: [ like this ]
open-ish
Summary: Just a gloomy gus needing some fresh air. Closed prompts will be top-leveled, open prompts free to anyone.

( TREE OF MEMORIES )
[ This place isn't anywhere that Riku has been before, though he's heard of it, somewhat. It's basically a tree that holds petals of memories from all those who come near it... or who inhabit the island... one of the two? Maybe both? Regardless, he's here, feeling the need to just get out and away from everything and everyone and he's made sure to keep himself relatively bundled up lest he end up sick again.

When a breeze gently drifts by, crisp and cool and allowing strands of silver to blow around his face, Riku catches sight of a drifting petal that falls from the tree and, perhaps without even realizing so, he holds his hand out and allows the petal to land in his palm.

The memory that it contains is one that seems almost ironic considering current circumstances of people within his life. It's distorted, perhaps a bit scratchy in a way, but it shows a sleeping Sora encased in what looks like a bubble. Standing outside that bubble and staring to the sleeping Sora is Riku, dressed in black and donning the blindfold much as he still does within this world. Off to the side, Naminé is there, sitting at a long table and seemingly sketching in a book, though she doesn't seem to address Riku within the memory. Gently, he reaches out with a gloved hand and presses it to the front of the bubble and the strongest emotion that can be felt even with watching this memory unfold... is grief.

It figures this memory would show itself now of all times and, to be honest, he almost finds it funny, as if a silent punishment personally dished out for him. Well-played, Tree of Memories.

Riku, of course, tries to brush off the memory and any feelings that might be attached to it. Though one can't exactly deny that the air around him seems a lot more chillier than anywhere else near the tree. ]

( IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING )
[ What had started out as something that should have taken maybe ten minutes at most has turned into a good thirty minutes standing outside the tea shop in the pouring rain.

The weather hasn't been the greatest as of late and yet Riku thought he could pick up this box of tea for Cloud and be out of here before it started to come down like it is now. How wrong he apparently was. Thankfully, he's standing under the awning of the shop, arms crossed, blindfold on, finger tapping against the box of tea he holds. The rain doesn't seem to be letting up anytime soon and the shop has closed, leaving Riku out here in the damp without an umbrella. He sighs, head lolling to the side as he shifts his weight to one leg, contemplating the thought of just sucking it up and walking back to Cloud's in this weather. ]

It's never going to stop...

[ Maybe you're stuck under here with him. Maybe you're passing by. Maybe you have an umbrella to lend to him. Or maybe you're out enjoying the rain. Whatever the case, Riku's not looking too happy... and the frost that's come to coat the tips of his shoes is a little bit of a hint to that. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Much like before, Riku comes to stop when Arden seems to call out to him like that. It's not his name, no, but it's the fact that Arden bothered to say anything at all rather than encourage him to leave that has the silver-haired teen stop. Gently, strands of silver blow against his face as a chilly breeze whips by and he tilts his head enough to not really look back to Arden but to still address him at the same time. ]

No, I don't.

[ He's said similar before, hasn't he? ]

So what is it?

You're the one who told me you're not interested in my peace of mind, so don't start pretending you care now, Riku.

[All said with his back turned and fists clenched.]

I was trying to prevent ice, not create more of it.

[ The ice... the ice within his chest? Is that what he means? Or does he mean his own that clings to his shoulder? Riku still remembers that day on the stairs, how he had coughed up shards of ice and Arden had gently tried to ease the pain in whatever way he could. He claimed Riku didn't owe him for that and yet... here he is, brushing Arden off... again.

Clenching fists himself, Riku turns to look to Arden then, even if he's not facing him. ]

It has nothing to do with you! Why I don't come around!

[ He turns back to the side slowly. Convincing himself it's not ego talking, he's trying to wrack his brain for what else could possibly be so frustrating to Riku as a chance of looking at his replica.

And he already said he comes by to check on Sora. So it's not as big a problem as seeing his best friend as a crystal statue either.

But does he dare to make accusations in the form thinking out loud... Roxas? Ventus? Should he run down the whole list? Accuse Riku of having clearly identified a problem he's having yet refusing to seek any help for it? That's exactly the same problem he's having with Squall right now too. This whole week, geez...

So instead he waits - clearly lowering his hand that had been raising to make a Dark Corridor to form an exit. ]

[ Well, now that he has Arden's attention... what exactly does he say? He hadn't really thought this through, the outburst pure emotion rather than a logical tactic to dissuade the other from slinking off into the shadows and so... now he's at a loss for what to do, what to say, what's even supposed to happen next.

But despite their differences, despite the fact that Arden has forged an identity for himself here within this world... could he understand? Does he understand what he feels? They're not connected through their hearts to each other and not as though Arden had been asleep in his heart as Ventus had been with Sora. They've fought, Riku even defeating him, and yet... they're alike, aren't they?

To clearly say what troubles him... it's always been difficult for Riku to do- stubborn and liable to swallow down those thoughts and feelings rather than reveal how weak and pathetic he is for feeling this way, even if he feels justified in those feelings... he did back then, didn't he?

Even as he tries to find the words, he can feel the ice spreading within his chest and wrapping tightly around his heart. Because to acknowledge this... to admit that's what he's feeling... it's getting him worked up and allowing the ice he's been swallowing down to become real and not just a metaphor. ]

Sora doesn't need me and I don't care what you say- he doesn't. He wants me there when no one else does but he doesn't need me.

[ Gently, at the tip of his boot, ice begins to form, as if trying to freeze him in place. ]

He has someone... [ And to say that he doesn't say that bitterly would be a lie, especially with the puffs of cold that come from his lips. ] ...and I should be happy for him but I'm not. I'm angry and I'm upset and I feel replaced and I know I shouldn't but I do.

[ He coughs, no shards of ice spilling from his mouth... for now. ]

I can't be around that because every time I am I can't breathe and it's worse than trying to fight the darkness within my heart.

[ Worse because it actually hurts to pretend that it doesn't. ]

[ Riku's words hit him hard - enough to make him feel like he's trying to withstand a gale and his body reacting in kind, tensing to stand firm instead of being blown over and his hair looking slightly windswept...

Squall...

There's no question about it. And of all the words for Riku to use, to choose replaced while speaking to him of all people. It was probably not meant as a slight to him, but boy oh boy did it set off more than one set of alarm bells in Arden's heart as a result. He sees the ice forming, but he's too stunned. ]

[ He laughs once - bitterly, uncomfortably, painfully - as one hand comes up to his face, still turned to the side and unable to fully look at Riku right now. He mutters, as if trying not to admit what he knew was true. ]

What a faithful replica I turned out to be...

[ Only then does he look over at Riku - the person he wanted to become, whose place he tried to take, frozen in place by his own feelings. It really was a terrible reflection he was staring at. He hated it. He hated it because he knew those feelings all too well - not just in general, but as it pertained to Sora... and to Squall.

He miserably wonders if this is some kind of retribution he's suffering... after everything he did to Riku and all that he suffered at Riku's hand in kind, to now feel compelled to help him, all because he knew that Sora wouldn't want to see Riku suffering like this and that's the only way he can make Sora happy now.

'Sensei, how can I get through this without the ice knife appearing...?' ]

[ He gestures weakly towards his... to be determined. ]

Having said all that - do you even want me to answer you? Or get rid of that ice first? Or do you expect me to leave you like this until you manage to get out on your own?

[ Gently, fingers clutch at the front of his jacket, coming to breathe slowly and heavily as he tries his best to swallow back down the ice he can feel pushing its way up his throat. ]

I don't need to be told how stupid it is. I know it is.

I didn't say it was stupid.

[ A mirror... the most horrific kind of mirror, one that didn't alter the reflection at all. So he walks a little closer, reaching out a little in the event he's allowed to help. Because ultimately that's the problem. ]

I just didn't want to start saying all kinds of things that you weren't interested in hearing and piss you off even more than you already are.

[ He's not moving quickly at all, but slowly raises his eyes. ]

Because you said you felt replaced, didn't you? How can I stand here and call that feeling stupid?

[ Yes, he said the word replaced of all words to someone who, to those back within their world, is a replica of himself. But here? Here Arden's not a replica, here he's not a replacement... but he still knows that feeling and more than likely carries it with him still.

Falling silent, as per usual between them, Riku turns his head away and coughs again... this time with a couple shards of ice falling out which make him wince and clutch at his chest tighter with those fingers. ]

You don't need to be here...

[ You can leave him to wallow in this, Arden. ]

You just made a huge deal out of want and need, so I'm going to keep telling you this as many times as you need to hear it.

[ He kneels down to start with Riku's boots, so that he's not looking at Riku's face - but likewise Riku will find it hard to ignore him as he uses a simple bit of the Fire spell and not dunamis to melt the ice there. ]

For my own sake and not yours, I need to figure out a way to be around you - without either of us suffering for it. So you can just deal with that.

[ After that he stands back up, leaving space between them and trying to decide how much more Riku is going to force that ice upon himself before Arden forces a hand on him again. ]

I just never expected it to also involve Squall.

[ There, he knows who your target is, Riku. ]

Edited 2018-03-22 00:05 (UTC)

[ It's not exactly anything that he's proud to admit and the fact that he has more or less admitted it and to Arden of all people... it just confirms how real these feelings are... these feelings of upset and anger and how pathetic he is for still harboring... jealousy.

Glancing away, Riku stands there, breaths still steady and slow, trying to calm himself and not allow the ice to overwhelm him as it tends to do when he thinks of this. ]

I'd appreciate you not saying anything.

[ Pausing, for just a moment. ]

To anyone.

[ Well, no more coughing ice shards is an improvement. He doesn't lower his hand just yet. ]

I won't.

[ It wouldn't help anyone - not Riku, or Sora, or Squall, or himself - to bring something like this to light and make Riku cough more ice, thereby stalling any conversation that was happening anyway. ]

It's not like Squall makes it any easier to talk to him than you do.

[ That burning question of What does Sora even see in him? has still not been answered to his personal satisfaction, although now the obvious echo of his feelings in Riku makes him wonder if those feelings too - the ones he had for Sora - were ever as sincere as he'd believed. Maybe Sora could tell before Arden that that was the case. Maybe that's why friendship is more comfortable after all. ]

But just because I don't say anything doesn't mean Sora won't ask you about it sometime. If that time comes and you can't talk to him about it... well, if you can tolerate me more than you can tolerate Squall, maybe you'll find me one of these days instead of the other way around.

Would you stop saying his name?

[ And he doesn't mean Sora's.

Riku is... not one to wear his feelings on his sleeve, never mind trying to discuss them or what concerns and troubles he has burdening him to the point of keeping him up at night. He's always been the "cooler one", right? The toughest kid on Destiny Islands that was the opposite to crybaby sunshine Sora. So, for him to actually admit that he feels weak, that he feels pathetic, that he feels not good enough... it's not easy, even now, for him to do and to try is still just as difficult as it's always been.

But at least he's said something and that counts for something... doesn't it?

Another slow breath, Riku looks away, allowing strands of silver to fall in front of his face, masking him... hiding him. ]

Sora's happy and that's all that matters.

[ Even as he says those words, it still seems... difficult for him to swallow. ]

He deserves that.

[ Arden shakes his head dismissively. There's too many He's in this conversation - and living at the house in general - to stop using first names to make things clear. But whatever. He cares more about the second part. ]

"That's all that matters"? After all that ice?

[ Suddenly 'ice' has become a codeword of sorts with so many meanings, not least of which being a lie. ]

Not buying it. Besides, you should know better than I do that if his friends aren't happy, then Sora's not happy either.

[ Hence why he had to start the process of dealing with Squall too - he just had several weeks on Riku in that regard. ]

I'm not Sora. I'm not friends with everyone I meet nor do I want to be.

[ Still Riku doesn't look to Arden, concentrating instead on swallowing down the ice that he can still feel coiling around his heart. ]

I'm not stupid. I know the tension between Roxas and I and how Sora wants us to be friends... wants you and I to be friends. That's what he wants for everyone he just... doesn't get it. Doesn't get that not everyone has a heart like his. But that's why he's better than so many.

[ Better than him. ]

He doesn't know what it's like to feel like you're not good enough to someone important. To feel replaced or abandoned. Everyone's drawn to him, even the ones who shouldn't be.

[ Not that he's meaning to, but more ice seems to gently seep out from underneath his boots. ]

It doesn't matter what I feel. I'm not a Hero of Light, I'm not even a hero to begin with. That's all Sora, so he deserves everything.

[ A beat. ]

But I can't pretend that I'm fine. Not right now.

[ Arden stares right into that blindfold. ]

Doesn't know what it's like to feel abandoned?

[ Should he say this... argh... maybe it won't help. Maybe it will. ]

Maybe you should ask him about that to his face.

[ Because as far as he remembers - and those are real memories for him - Sora was doing nothing but chase Riku down. He wasn't powerful enough to find the one person in the whole castle he was looking for. Talk about not good enough. He got the impression Sora would understand a lot more than Riku gave him credit for. ]

Maybe then you won't have to pretend.

[ He's not entirely sure what Arden had hoped to achieve with those words but, they don't seem to help the situation any and, instead, have Riku grow even more frustrated. ]

You don't get it, do you?

[ A show of irritation. ]

I don't want Sora to know. What good is that going to do? How is that going to fix anything? He has someone better and I should be happy but I'm not. I don't want to think of it, I don't want to be reminded of it, I don't want to have to keep wondering how he would be if I just didn't show up here like this and throw a wrench into everything that he's created for himself here.

[ The ice around his feet crackles as it quickly spreads, threatening to even touch Arden as he stands there and Riku breathes heavy again as he can feel the shards of ice pushing their way back up. ]

I don't even know why I'm telling you this because everyone is always on Sora's side. Even here.

[ Forcefully, he breaks his feet free from the ice. ]

And they should be even if I hate it sometimes.

[ Because it's lonely to feel and makes him think that he's better off as a shadow. ]

You keep talking out both sides of your mouth!

[ He spins around one side and grabs Riku's shoulder and chest at once, trying to force the dunamis to work. It has to work - to stop the ice that only makes it harder for Riku to think clearly. Even he's starting to wonder why he's bothering, though. He's using as much of his strength as he can to hold Riku in place while he tries to stop the ice from spreading though. ]

[ He shakes Riku angrily, unintentionally combining both sides of that same emotion - his love for Sora and his anger at Riku - to make the dunamis come even faster and more powerful than it did before. ]

You want him as a best friend but you won't even talk to him about what's bothering you? You big hypocrite! Do you even hear yourself?

[ He glares at Riku as the ice Riku generates continuously melts under Arden's heat. ]

How can you say I'm on his side when I'm the one coming after you? Trying to make sure you don't kill yourself with ice shards stuck in your throat, saying over and over again how you deserve it!

[ He grips Riku by the shirt and stares him right in the eyes behind his blindfold. ]

You want to know why I'm here? Because you keep proving over and over again how alike we are. And the worst mistake I almost made, Sora was there to stop me for it. He's not here to stop you. So yes I am going to keep coming after you until I am SURE that you aren't hating yourself so much you try to shatter your amulet just to get out of dealing with how much you hate your life right now.

[ Finally he pushes - shoves really - Riku away and finishes his tirade. ]

You've always had everything I ever wanted. Start acting like it again.

[ When Riku is shoved back, he allows himself to stumble some, getting his footing and glaring through that blindfold to Arden who is still relatively close to him. There's things he wants to say, things he even wants to shout back at him, but... he doesn't. For a reason.

There's a voice that whispers in the back of his head- no, deep within his heart it does. You defeated him once, you can do it again.

Darkness. His darkness, buried deep within his heart still. The one area he's been having difficulty keeping under control despite his best efforts. It's... taunting him, trying to coerce him into giving in, not knowing what that might very well mean within this world with doing so. Would he change entirely? Would he lose himself completely and never be able to come back for it all for the chance to simply strike Arden down and show him how much stronger he still is than him?

Would it be irreversible and a means of damning himself? Well, that wouldn't be the first time he's damned himself, would it?

But that voice, smooth like silk and soft as feathers as it caresses along the forefront of his mind, echoing from the depths of his heart, continues to whisper to him.

You defeated him once, you can do it again. You defeated him once, you can do it again. You defeated him once, you can do it again.

He squeezes his eyes shut behind his blindfold and seems to almost stumble forward a little. Recalling his nightmares as of late with removing his blindfold only to have eyes dripping black haunt him in the moment and he's almost afraid to open them behind the blindfold, lest those nightmares be a reality in this moment.

The ice recedes, perhaps much to Arden's delight, but the darkness swells and it wouldn't at all be difficult for Arden to not smell how much stronger it's becoming. ]

[ He keeps on glaring. ]

Can neither of you manage your own darkness? Geez...

[ He takes a deep breath and walks forward, towards Riku, radiating that combination still. There was a good chance that this wasn't going to work, but this was partly his fault for riling Riku up and partly Riku's for being unable to settle himself down in response. He tried to recall how it felt those other two times - how he'd reached out to Sora through Sora's darkness overtaking him by simply being unafraid of the power it showed. It was a foul smell, of course it was, but it was an all-too-familiar one as well. A part of it still lived with him.

While he physically gets closer, emotionally he does too, trying to recreate that dual effect of dunamis and seeking out the pinpricks of light inside of Riku, like a candle being swallowed by the power going out in a house. ]

I told you to start acting like it, Riku!

[ There's envy and anger powering his efforts, but at the forefront of his mind he wants better for Riku. He genuinely doesn't want the Darkness to do this to him. If he has to open a darn Corridor to get inside a Darkness this deep, he'll do it. For Sora if nothing else. ]

[ No, he can't. His control over it has gotten better, that much is true. But to be in complete control of it... to have mastered it in a sense... no, he hasn't and he knows this, even when he went to face off against Roxas prior to coming to this world.

His darkness, of course, tries to convince him that there is no light within him to pluck at and bring to the forefront of his mind. The dawn? The dawn was what he wanted to walk, wasn't it? To choose neither light nor dark and yet... darkness is always there, isn't it? But he had been tricked before, thinking that the light could destroy him, that the darkness was something to be afraid of and yet... there is no light here, is there? It's why he blinds himself from it. He can't use it... he doesn't... deserve it.

But it's that thought that brings a warm but gentle breeze to mind and it has his eyes open somewhat as he remembers... he remembers that warmth.

A shake of his head, Riku thrusts a hand out to try and shove Arden away as he turns to have his back face him, clutching his head with eyes peeking through his fingers that cover his blindfold before, slowly, the darkness begins to recede much as the ice had.

Taking a moment, he swallows thickly, breathing heavy, hair spilling over his neck and just... trying to remain calm... trying to let everything settle. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/3 I think

2/3

3/4 nope I lied

4/4

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

2/2 cw: suicide ideation

no subject

no subject

no subject