empatheias | open-ish

Entry tags:

open-ish

Who: Riku and others
Where: Around Verens
When: Middle of the month
Format: [ like this ]
open-ish
Summary: Just a gloomy gus needing some fresh air. Closed prompts will be top-leveled, open prompts free to anyone.

( TREE OF MEMORIES )
[ This place isn't anywhere that Riku has been before, though he's heard of it, somewhat. It's basically a tree that holds petals of memories from all those who come near it... or who inhabit the island... one of the two? Maybe both? Regardless, he's here, feeling the need to just get out and away from everything and everyone and he's made sure to keep himself relatively bundled up lest he end up sick again.

When a breeze gently drifts by, crisp and cool and allowing strands of silver to blow around his face, Riku catches sight of a drifting petal that falls from the tree and, perhaps without even realizing so, he holds his hand out and allows the petal to land in his palm.

The memory that it contains is one that seems almost ironic considering current circumstances of people within his life. It's distorted, perhaps a bit scratchy in a way, but it shows a sleeping Sora encased in what looks like a bubble. Standing outside that bubble and staring to the sleeping Sora is Riku, dressed in black and donning the blindfold much as he still does within this world. Off to the side, Naminé is there, sitting at a long table and seemingly sketching in a book, though she doesn't seem to address Riku within the memory. Gently, he reaches out with a gloved hand and presses it to the front of the bubble and the strongest emotion that can be felt even with watching this memory unfold... is grief.

It figures this memory would show itself now of all times and, to be honest, he almost finds it funny, as if a silent punishment personally dished out for him. Well-played, Tree of Memories.

Riku, of course, tries to brush off the memory and any feelings that might be attached to it. Though one can't exactly deny that the air around him seems a lot more chillier than anywhere else near the tree. ]

( IT'S RAINING, IT'S POURING )
[ What had started out as something that should have taken maybe ten minutes at most has turned into a good thirty minutes standing outside the tea shop in the pouring rain.

The weather hasn't been the greatest as of late and yet Riku thought he could pick up this box of tea for Cloud and be out of here before it started to come down like it is now. How wrong he apparently was. Thankfully, he's standing under the awning of the shop, arms crossed, blindfold on, finger tapping against the box of tea he holds. The rain doesn't seem to be letting up anytime soon and the shop has closed, leaving Riku out here in the damp without an umbrella. He sighs, head lolling to the side as he shifts his weight to one leg, contemplating the thought of just sucking it up and walking back to Cloud's in this weather. ]

It's never going to stop...

[ Maybe you're stuck under here with him. Maybe you're passing by. Maybe you have an umbrella to lend to him. Or maybe you're out enjoying the rain. Whatever the case, Riku's not looking too happy... and the frost that's come to coat the tips of his shoes is a little bit of a hint to that. ]

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[ So is that what this is about? His lack of being around the house? Someone has actually noticed this? Well, colour him surprised. ]

I don't talk to anyone there.

[ He says that flatly but it's the truth as well. ]

I'll know if Sora's awake.

[ He just stares. Like, really? You'll just know? You're so deep in darkness you can't even look yourself in the mirror, how in the world are you going to feel anything going on with Sora?

He believes Ventus about that sort of thing a lot more than he believes Riku.

But hey, maybe Riku will elaborate if he just stares at him instead of saying every snide remark in his head, without even touching the "I don't talk to anyone" else part. ]

[ Are they going to have a staring contest now? Because... they could both probably keep that up for a long time.

However, it's with a sigh that Riku glances away, not wanting to stand here in the street and stare at Arden for however long until one of them finally decides to snap at the other for being so difficult. ]

I stop by to check on him.

Without talking to anyone else while you're there.

[ Half question, half observation. Sora will end up finding Riku within 10 minutes of waking up, that's what'll happen, if the only way Riku knows is by coming by - in the dead of night, it sounds like. Typical. ]

Fine. Sorry for wasting your time.

[ Blindfold or not, Riku finds himself narrowing his eyes a little before he gives a soft tch and turns away from Arden. ]

What do you care? You have the place to yourself like before.

DON'T--

[His hand comes up, but he turns around and snaps his mouth shut before speaking again.]

You don't know what I want.

[ Much like before, Riku comes to stop when Arden seems to call out to him like that. It's not his name, no, but it's the fact that Arden bothered to say anything at all rather than encourage him to leave that has the silver-haired teen stop. Gently, strands of silver blow against his face as a chilly breeze whips by and he tilts his head enough to not really look back to Arden but to still address him at the same time. ]

No, I don't.

[ He's said similar before, hasn't he? ]

So what is it?

You're the one who told me you're not interested in my peace of mind, so don't start pretending you care now, Riku.

[All said with his back turned and fists clenched.]

I was trying to prevent ice, not create more of it.

[ The ice... the ice within his chest? Is that what he means? Or does he mean his own that clings to his shoulder? Riku still remembers that day on the stairs, how he had coughed up shards of ice and Arden had gently tried to ease the pain in whatever way he could. He claimed Riku didn't owe him for that and yet... here he is, brushing Arden off... again.

Clenching fists himself, Riku turns to look to Arden then, even if he's not facing him. ]

It has nothing to do with you! Why I don't come around!

[ He turns back to the side slowly. Convincing himself it's not ego talking, he's trying to wrack his brain for what else could possibly be so frustrating to Riku as a chance of looking at his replica.

And he already said he comes by to check on Sora. So it's not as big a problem as seeing his best friend as a crystal statue either.

But does he dare to make accusations in the form thinking out loud... Roxas? Ventus? Should he run down the whole list? Accuse Riku of having clearly identified a problem he's having yet refusing to seek any help for it? That's exactly the same problem he's having with Squall right now too. This whole week, geez...

So instead he waits - clearly lowering his hand that had been raising to make a Dark Corridor to form an exit. ]

[ Well, now that he has Arden's attention... what exactly does he say? He hadn't really thought this through, the outburst pure emotion rather than a logical tactic to dissuade the other from slinking off into the shadows and so... now he's at a loss for what to do, what to say, what's even supposed to happen next.

But despite their differences, despite the fact that Arden has forged an identity for himself here within this world... could he understand? Does he understand what he feels? They're not connected through their hearts to each other and not as though Arden had been asleep in his heart as Ventus had been with Sora. They've fought, Riku even defeating him, and yet... they're alike, aren't they?

To clearly say what troubles him... it's always been difficult for Riku to do- stubborn and liable to swallow down those thoughts and feelings rather than reveal how weak and pathetic he is for feeling this way, even if he feels justified in those feelings... he did back then, didn't he?

Even as he tries to find the words, he can feel the ice spreading within his chest and wrapping tightly around his heart. Because to acknowledge this... to admit that's what he's feeling... it's getting him worked up and allowing the ice he's been swallowing down to become real and not just a metaphor. ]

Sora doesn't need me and I don't care what you say- he doesn't. He wants me there when no one else does but he doesn't need me.

[ Gently, at the tip of his boot, ice begins to form, as if trying to freeze him in place. ]

He has someone... [ And to say that he doesn't say that bitterly would be a lie, especially with the puffs of cold that come from his lips. ] ...and I should be happy for him but I'm not. I'm angry and I'm upset and I feel replaced and I know I shouldn't but I do.

[ He coughs, no shards of ice spilling from his mouth... for now. ]

I can't be around that because every time I am I can't breathe and it's worse than trying to fight the darkness within my heart.

[ Worse because it actually hurts to pretend that it doesn't. ]

[ Riku's words hit him hard - enough to make him feel like he's trying to withstand a gale and his body reacting in kind, tensing to stand firm instead of being blown over and his hair looking slightly windswept...

Squall...

There's no question about it. And of all the words for Riku to use, to choose replaced while speaking to him of all people. It was probably not meant as a slight to him, but boy oh boy did it set off more than one set of alarm bells in Arden's heart as a result. He sees the ice forming, but he's too stunned. ]

[ He laughs once - bitterly, uncomfortably, painfully - as one hand comes up to his face, still turned to the side and unable to fully look at Riku right now. He mutters, as if trying not to admit what he knew was true. ]

What a faithful replica I turned out to be...

[ Only then does he look over at Riku - the person he wanted to become, whose place he tried to take, frozen in place by his own feelings. It really was a terrible reflection he was staring at. He hated it. He hated it because he knew those feelings all too well - not just in general, but as it pertained to Sora... and to Squall.

He miserably wonders if this is some kind of retribution he's suffering... after everything he did to Riku and all that he suffered at Riku's hand in kind, to now feel compelled to help him, all because he knew that Sora wouldn't want to see Riku suffering like this and that's the only way he can make Sora happy now.

'Sensei, how can I get through this without the ice knife appearing...?' ]

[ He gestures weakly towards his... to be determined. ]

Having said all that - do you even want me to answer you? Or get rid of that ice first? Or do you expect me to leave you like this until you manage to get out on your own?

[ Gently, fingers clutch at the front of his jacket, coming to breathe slowly and heavily as he tries his best to swallow back down the ice he can feel pushing its way up his throat. ]

I don't need to be told how stupid it is. I know it is.

I didn't say it was stupid.

[ A mirror... the most horrific kind of mirror, one that didn't alter the reflection at all. So he walks a little closer, reaching out a little in the event he's allowed to help. Because ultimately that's the problem. ]

I just didn't want to start saying all kinds of things that you weren't interested in hearing and piss you off even more than you already are.

[ He's not moving quickly at all, but slowly raises his eyes. ]

Because you said you felt replaced, didn't you? How can I stand here and call that feeling stupid?

[ Yes, he said the word replaced of all words to someone who, to those back within their world, is a replica of himself. But here? Here Arden's not a replica, here he's not a replacement... but he still knows that feeling and more than likely carries it with him still.

Falling silent, as per usual between them, Riku turns his head away and coughs again... this time with a couple shards of ice falling out which make him wince and clutch at his chest tighter with those fingers. ]

You don't need to be here...

[ You can leave him to wallow in this, Arden. ]

You just made a huge deal out of want and need, so I'm going to keep telling you this as many times as you need to hear it.

[ He kneels down to start with Riku's boots, so that he's not looking at Riku's face - but likewise Riku will find it hard to ignore him as he uses a simple bit of the Fire spell and not dunamis to melt the ice there. ]

For my own sake and not yours, I need to figure out a way to be around you - without either of us suffering for it. So you can just deal with that.

[ After that he stands back up, leaving space between them and trying to decide how much more Riku is going to force that ice upon himself before Arden forces a hand on him again. ]

I just never expected it to also involve Squall.

[ There, he knows who your target is, Riku. ]

Edited 2018-03-22 00:05 (UTC)

[ It's not exactly anything that he's proud to admit and the fact that he has more or less admitted it and to Arden of all people... it just confirms how real these feelings are... these feelings of upset and anger and how pathetic he is for still harboring... jealousy.

Glancing away, Riku stands there, breaths still steady and slow, trying to calm himself and not allow the ice to overwhelm him as it tends to do when he thinks of this. ]

I'd appreciate you not saying anything.

[ Pausing, for just a moment. ]

To anyone.

[ Well, no more coughing ice shards is an improvement. He doesn't lower his hand just yet. ]

I won't.

[ It wouldn't help anyone - not Riku, or Sora, or Squall, or himself - to bring something like this to light and make Riku cough more ice, thereby stalling any conversation that was happening anyway. ]

It's not like Squall makes it any easier to talk to him than you do.

[ That burning question of What does Sora even see in him? has still not been answered to his personal satisfaction, although now the obvious echo of his feelings in Riku makes him wonder if those feelings too - the ones he had for Sora - were ever as sincere as he'd believed. Maybe Sora could tell before Arden that that was the case. Maybe that's why friendship is more comfortable after all. ]

But just because I don't say anything doesn't mean Sora won't ask you about it sometime. If that time comes and you can't talk to him about it... well, if you can tolerate me more than you can tolerate Squall, maybe you'll find me one of these days instead of the other way around.

Would you stop saying his name?

[ And he doesn't mean Sora's.

Riku is... not one to wear his feelings on his sleeve, never mind trying to discuss them or what concerns and troubles he has burdening him to the point of keeping him up at night. He's always been the "cooler one", right? The toughest kid on Destiny Islands that was the opposite to crybaby sunshine Sora. So, for him to actually admit that he feels weak, that he feels pathetic, that he feels not good enough... it's not easy, even now, for him to do and to try is still just as difficult as it's always been.

But at least he's said something and that counts for something... doesn't it?

Another slow breath, Riku looks away, allowing strands of silver to fall in front of his face, masking him... hiding him. ]

Sora's happy and that's all that matters.

[ Even as he says those words, it still seems... difficult for him to swallow. ]

He deserves that.

[ Arden shakes his head dismissively. There's too many He's in this conversation - and living at the house in general - to stop using first names to make things clear. But whatever. He cares more about the second part. ]

"That's all that matters"? After all that ice?

[ Suddenly 'ice' has become a codeword of sorts with so many meanings, not least of which being a lie. ]

Not buying it. Besides, you should know better than I do that if his friends aren't happy, then Sora's not happy either.

[ Hence why he had to start the process of dealing with Squall too - he just had several weeks on Riku in that regard. ]

I'm not Sora. I'm not friends with everyone I meet nor do I want to be.

[ Still Riku doesn't look to Arden, concentrating instead on swallowing down the ice that he can still feel coiling around his heart. ]

I'm not stupid. I know the tension between Roxas and I and how Sora wants us to be friends... wants you and I to be friends. That's what he wants for everyone he just... doesn't get it. Doesn't get that not everyone has a heart like his. But that's why he's better than so many.

[ Better than him. ]

He doesn't know what it's like to feel like you're not good enough to someone important. To feel replaced or abandoned. Everyone's drawn to him, even the ones who shouldn't be.

[ Not that he's meaning to, but more ice seems to gently seep out from underneath his boots. ]

It doesn't matter what I feel. I'm not a Hero of Light, I'm not even a hero to begin with. That's all Sora, so he deserves everything.

[ A beat. ]

But I can't pretend that I'm fine. Not right now.

[ Arden stares right into that blindfold. ]

Doesn't know what it's like to feel abandoned?

[ Should he say this... argh... maybe it won't help. Maybe it will. ]

Maybe you should ask him about that to his face.

[ Because as far as he remembers - and those are real memories for him - Sora was doing nothing but chase Riku down. He wasn't powerful enough to find the one person in the whole castle he was looking for. Talk about not good enough. He got the impression Sora would understand a lot more than Riku gave him credit for. ]

Maybe then you won't have to pretend.

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1/3 I think

2/3

3/4 nope I lied

4/4

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